Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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