I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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