Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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