Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
this just has baby written all over it
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
