Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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