your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
