My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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