I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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