I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she told me i tasted like america
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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