you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
