Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
