Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
