I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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