This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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