Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
