I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
