Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
