Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
