CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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