Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
