It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
