..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
