and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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