Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
