and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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