Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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