i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
