my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
