I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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