found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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