I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
