Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
