She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
