So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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