how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
