my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
