fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
