i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
wanna go halves on a baby?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
