I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
