my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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