it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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