maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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