I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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