I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
