nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
sex in a hospital.. check
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
