I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
