who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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