I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
