we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
