I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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