Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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