I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
