I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This gyro tastes like lonliness
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
